I’m going to start by saying…You’re not a bad parent, or a broken human.
Nothing is wrong with you! And that’s what’s so sad, we’re actually made to think and feel so much of this about ourselves because we weren’t taught about our own bodies.
Just so you know your body is actually doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.
So your kid is not bad. You both have bodies. You were just put in it, with no instructions. And your parents and their parents and here we are trying to parent. And because you’re here you’re probably trying so hard to do it differently. But we are still so wrongly misled and directed.
And it seems like we’re doing everything, but we’re not doing the one and only thing we need to do!
I’m here to tell you there is another way. I’m going to tell you a different story. A story with a very enjoyable journey and a happy ending. And yes it has an end. It has an end because you will be empowered. You will have the permanent solution and you’ll never have to look outside yourself ever again! You will know your body and you will know what to do. Same for your kids.
This is how you break the cycle. You can’t give them what you don’t have. This is how you empower them! So they can go through their lives without coping mechanisms, and blocks, and basically your stuff.
It’s disappointing and really confusing that we go our whole lives, that I got this far and went through so much to find…there is one answer and I had it, I had the tools the entire time, but we’re just never taught that.
So this is the most important piece. The missing piece. The foundational piece you have to understand, you have to know and you have to connect with, to change anything!
I say that being a mom is hard because of your nervous system. Being human is hard because of your nervous system, but more specifically because we don’t know how our nervous system works.
So I’m going to ask the question, Do you know your nervous system’s job?!
The answer is…it is to protect you and keep you safe. Number one job is all about safety.
It is constantly, every second, non-stop scanning for threat or safety. And then its job is to move your body into reaction to get you away or protect you from the threat. Or if you’re safe, to keep you in that connected state.
Your job is to show it, it’s safe. That is your job.
Most of us have no idea we have to be doing this. And we definitely don’t know how. Instead you judge it and question why it doesn’t feel safe (because really a lot of times it’s for unconscious reasons and from our past, so it doesn’t really make sense) You force or try to stop or in some way control it all. And none of that is how you tell your body you are safe.
You need to be connecting to your body and supporting it and giving it the reassurance that it’s safe. In turn your body will feel good, you’ll be able to respond in necessary ways and experience the world through a connected state.
So it’s actually SIMPLE. It’s biology. It’s hard because we’re in these bodies, that we truly know nothing about and that we’re just not connected to.
And you’re expected to help your children without this as the basis of your parenting?!
The only guidance that matters and that works comes from your child. From their unique nervous system. You have exactly what you need in front of you. You just need to know how to figure it all out and put it together.